The Unholy Trifecta

Here at the bureau of the impertinantly inane, we keep track of the readership level.  We note what you like and try to deliver.  Three of your favorites are odd news, idiot perps, and embarrassing mug shots.  Well, we hit the motherlode!

First off, here's a story that writes itself.

"Psychic Says She Was Attacked By Rivals"
http://www.wfsb.com/
"A Greenwich psychic who said she was attacked by rival psychics has been charged with lying about the incident.

Greenwich police arrested 35-year-old Janet Lee of Norwalk on Saturday. She was charged with falsely reporting an incident."


Wow.  Who could've seen that coming?

Next up - bovine bacchian bemusement!  And no, I don't have any idea either.

"Woman Wearing Cow Suit Charged With Disorderly Conduct"
http://www.wlwt.com/
"A police report filed about the incident said Michelle Allen allegedly chased children in her neighborhood while wearing the suit on Monday evening.
Allen also urinated on a neighbor's front porch, the report said, and was warned by officers to go home and stay there.

Allen was charged with disorderly conduct after an officer found her causing traffic problems on North Verity Parkway. The report did not speculate as to why Allen was wearing the cow suit."


Let's make this one today's caption competition.  Go for it!

The next one requires a slideshow.

"Police Pepper Spray, Arrest Alleged Paint Huffer"
http://www.wtov9.com/
"Patrick Tribett has been arrested numerous times on charges he huffed paint in public. In 2005, his mugshot received national attention when police found him covered in gold paint and trying to buy more at a Dollar General store.

Saturday afternoon, McMechen police arrested Tribett in the Industrial Park area of the city and charged him with inhaling an intoxicant.  McMechen officers said Tribett put up a fight during the arrest and continued to try and huff the white paint. Officers said they were forced to pepper spray him before they were able to take him to jail."


What if he starts to like the pepper spray, too??

Finally, and you must be glad that this is the end of it, I leave you with an image that's going to be stuck in your mind all week.

"Police: Bikini-Clad Firefighter Arrested"
http://www.wlwt.com/
"Officers said they found Stephen S. Cole, a Wayne Township firefighter, Tuesday afternoon at Heritage Oak Park after other visitors complained about an intoxicated man wearing a woman’s bikini and wig.

"As Cole exited the vehicle, I observed Cole to be wearing a very skimpy woman's blue bikini with two tan water balloons placed in the top to simulate two woman's breasts and a pair of pink Speedo flip-flop sandals," Officer Scott Miller wrote in a report. ... Cole is charged with driving while under the influence, open container of alcohol and disorderly conduct.

"A black gym bag was also found that contained more blonde wigs, additional bikini's, long silver go-go boots, and other women's garments," the report stated. "Cole did state that he was headed to a 'gay' bar in Dayton to perform as a woman for a $10,000 prize."

The water balloons sell it.

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Oh, one more thing that seems to get your attention is suggestive pics of damsels, and damsels with beer is even better.  So this is included just to make a good teaser pic on Facebook.  Suckers.