Cigarettes

A man's wife asks him to go to the store to buy some cigarettes. The husband walks down to the store only to find it closed, so he goes into a nearby bar to use the vending machine. At the bar he sees a beautiful woman and starts talking to her. They have a couple of drinks and one thing leads to another. Sometime thereafter, they end up back at the woman's apartment.

One thing leads to another and the next thing the man knows, it's 3 o'clock in the morning. "Oh no!" says the man, "It's really late... my wife's going to kill me. Hey, do you have any talcum powder?"

Curious, the woman reluctantly hands the man some talcum powder. He proceeds to rub the powder on his hands and then rushes out the woman's apartment for home.

His wife is waiting for him in the doorway and she is rather upset, to say the least. "Where the hell have you been?"

"Well, honey, its like this. I went to the store like you asked, but they were closed. So, I went to the bar to use the vending machine. Well, I met this great looking girl there and we had a few drinks together. Anyway, one thing led to another and I ended back at her place."

"Oh, really?" says the wife, sarcastically. "Let me see your hands!"

He raises his hands and, sure enough, she notices that his hands are covered with powder.

"Liar!! You went bowling again!"

===

I was walking down the high street the other day when a woman came up to me and said, "A cow was murdered to make that jacket, you know."

So I sneered at her and said, "I didn't realise there were any witnesses - now it looks like I'll have to kill you too."

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[You _must_ read this in the voice of Adam West!]

Batman came up to me and he hit me over the head with a vase and he went T'PAU! I said "Don't you mean KAPOW?? He said "No, I've got china in my hand."