The title is both advice and disclaimer.  I put it out there because last week, when the second story covered today broke, I shared it at work and was soundly chastised for ruining someone's appetite.  [I think one of my production jobs just vanished... nobody knows where the paperwork went, and the engineering approval stamps got changed to read 'Grossy Smurf'.]  Oh well.  I thought it was funny.

But, I think stuff like this is delightfully deviously hilarious:

"Shopaholic crushed to death by her shopping"
http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/
"Officers searched pensioner Joan Cunnane’s bungalow after worried friends said they had not seen her since Boxing Day.

It took them two days to sift through her hoard of electrical items, clothes, umbrellas, candles and ornaments before they stumbled across her body on Wednesday.

It was buried beneath a 3ft mound of suitcases all packed with items the 77-year-old had bought but never opened."
...
"“I went into the house after she went missing and couldn’t find her. There was stuff in every room including thousands of videos.

“When I walked in, they all fell down. It was a death trap really.”"

It's a trap!  Ok, sorry.  No Admiral Ackbar pic either.  I just feel bad that I couldn't work up a good pun here.  You got one for me?

I feel good though that I don't know anyone else who could fall into this lifestyle.  Oh no, nobody at all... 

"Police discovered that even Joan’s Rover car was full of shopping, including dusters, a teddy bear, garden shears, bracelets, a plastic Tupperware box full of mini chocolate bars and cans of soda.

One neighbour said: “I have never been in her house but I had an idea what it was like because of her car."

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WARNING - Photo coming up!  (betcha can't wait now...)
From western Romania: [as if you knew it differently from eastern Romania]

"The woman with a hairspray can up her bottom and ..."
http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/
"It's a medical mystery that surgeons never got to  the bottom of in a hospital casualty room - how a woman patient ended up with a  can of hairspray up her backside.
...
But she refused to say just how the can came to be  there even after a successful, delicate operation to remove the  aerosol.
...
"She was very embarrassed. She was clearly in a lot  of pain, however it got there. This was not just a little can of deodorant, this  was a massive can of hairspray," said one hospital worker."

Additional crazy x-rays follow the story.  Here's our main illustration: