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Nov 28, 2008

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Gender: Male
Status: Single
Age: 37
Sign: Cancer

State: South Carolina
Country: US

Signup Date: 05/22/05

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Monday, October 20, 2008


Don’t Hate Me Because I’m Beautiful
Current mood: fermented
Category: Food and Restaurants

[...when there are so many other reasons!  ;-) ]

Back in my student days, my mates and I used to go out drinking - and then have farting competitions. Marks were awarded for duration, resonance of tone, and of course pungency.

We also had burping competitions, which ran on standardised fuel, this being one chili dinner and one can of Mt Dew. Marks were awarded similarly.

One day, we decided on a little experiment. We'd trap our farts in empty jam jars, screw the lids on then open and then sniff them next morning. This is a particularly vile thing to do, as the odor is inhaled when one is fragile from the night before, and makes one feel a tad unwell.

Anyway, the games progressed, and we then discovered absinthe. Not the cheap nasty stuff you usually find, but the proper syrupy green fluid with loads of wormwood. We did the usual setting fire to it and so on, but soon discovered that a few hours after drinking it, it tainted our flatulence with a characteristic odor. So out came the jam jars....

Next morning, we came to open the jars to do the usual check, and to our collective amazement, in each jar was a tiny model motorcycle. A perfect replica of a full size Honda 650 in every way. We wondered who had accessed the jars during the night, and why they would do such a bizarre thing, so we asked around during the day, but no-one would admit to it.

On returning to our flat that evening, we noticed that the models had increased in size during the day. And that is the point at which we discovered....



Absinthe makes the fart grow Honda.

Currently listening :
The Bob and Tom Radio Show Presents Manboobs
By Bob and Tom

8:44 AM - 6 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment -

julia cool boots

absolutely awesome.

Posted by julia cool boots on Oct 20, 2008 10:38 AM
[Reply to this]


You're a glutton for punishment!

Posted by HVY MTL on Oct 20, 2008 11:57 AM
[Reply to this]

julia cool boots

if marks farts were awarded for duration, resonance and pungency...what was everyone else scored on?

Posted by julia cool boots on Oct 20, 2008 2:15 PM
[Reply to this]



Go stand in your corner, little lady!

Posted by HVY MTL on Oct 20, 2008 2:27 PM
[Reply to this]

julia cool boots

i really did read it that way the first time. in both paragraph's. i was wondering why mark's were scored differently than anyone else. despite the fact that the punctuation (lack thereof) is correct! i just thought Mark must've had the best-est.

Posted by julia cool boots on Oct 20, 2008 3:33 PM
[Reply to this]


To be fair, the story was from the UK, and I didn't do a complete localisation. It used to have Irn Bru as the beverage and used "odour" instead of odor.

Posted by HVY MTL on Oct 20, 2008 3:48 PM
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