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Dec 20, 2008

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Status: Single
Age: 37
Sign: Cancer

State: South Carolina
Country: US

Signup Date: 05/22/05

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Immaculately (2)

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Thursday, January 31, 2008


Apologies in advance
Current mood: amused

[It gets better, honest!]

I was stealing things in the supermarket today while balanced on the shoulders of a couple of vampires. I was charged with shoplifting on
two counts.

I phoned the local gym and I asked if they could teach me how to do the splits. He said, "How flexible are you?" I said, "I can't make
Tuesdays or Thursdays."

A Mafia Godfather finds out that his bookkeeper has cheated him out of ten million bucks. His bookkeeper is deaf. That was the reason he got the job the first place.

It was assumed that a deaf bookkeeper would not hear anything that he might have to testify about in court.

When the Godfather goes to confront the bookkeeper about his missing ten million, he brings along his attorney, who knows sign language.

The Godfather tells the lawyer 'Ask him where the ten million bucks he embezzled from me is.

The attorney, using sign language, asks the bookkeeper.

The bookkeeper signs back: 'I don't know what you are talking about.'

The attorney tells the Godfather: 'He says he doesn't know what you're talking about.'

The Godfather pulls out a pistol, puts it to the bookkeeper's temple and says, 'Ask him again!'

The attorney signs to the bookkeeper: 'He'll kill you if you don't tell him!'

The bookkeeper signs back: 'OK! You win! The money is in a brown briefcase, buried behind the shed in my cousin Enzo's backyard in Queens!'

The Godfather asks the attorney: 'Well, what'd he say?'

The attorney replies: 'He says you don't have the balls to pull the trigger.'

Charlie was fixing a door and found that he needed a new hinge, so he
sent his wife Mary to Home Depot.
At Home Depot, Mary saw a beautiful bathroom faucet while she was
waiting for Walt, (the manager) to finish waiting on a customer.
When Walt was finished, Mary asked..."How much for that faucet?"
Walt replied, "That's pewter and it costs $300."
My goodness that sure is a lot she exclaimed. Then she proceeded to
describe the hinge that Charlie had sent her to buy, and Walt went to
the back room to find it.
From the back room Walt yelled, "Mary, you wanna screw for that hinge?"
Mary replied, "No, but I will for the faucet."
This is why you can't send a woman to Home Depot

Currently reading :
Busting Vegas: The MIT Whiz Kid Who Brought the Casinos to Their Knees
By Ben Mezrich
Release date: By 01 October, 2005

10:28 AM - 4 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove -

Immaculately Cruel

oh man.....
too funny :P

Posted by Immaculately Cruel on Jan 31, 2008 10:55 AM
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What a home depot whore. Hey, how is that book you are reading? It looks interesting.

Posted by Cynthia on Jan 31, 2008 1:05 PM
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It's a great story, about one of the teams from MIT that figured out not just the math involved in really optimizing card counting, but how to work as a team to avoid getting 'caught' (remember, it's not illegal nor cheating, knowing what cards came before (and which are left) is part of the game). It went great until the major casinos all got facial recognition software and computers fast enough to ID them inside of thirty minutes. They made millions, all cash.

Posted by HVY MTL on Jan 31, 2008 2:18 PM
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I would def. enjoy reading that. I just marked a "gently" used copy on Amazon. So some super smart whiz kids watched the movie "Rounders" and set their own plan in motion to make an easy million on the poor unsuspecting Casino's?

Posted by Cynthia on Feb 1, 2008 10:39 AM
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