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Last Updated:
Dec 20, 2008

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Gender: Male
Status: Single
Age: 37
Sign: Cancer

City: GREENVILLE
State: South Carolina
Country: US

Signup Date: 05/22/05

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Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Can’t Miss Personals Ad!
Current mood: adored
Category: Life

I'd like you to meet my dear friend Valarie. Wave hello, Val.

We take turns being "wingman" with some frequency. Obviously we're not very good at it. Ok, _I'm_ not very good at it. [But really, who wouldn't want to hook up with a baby-faced IT guy who brags about how automated his office is?]
So today I'm going to take the campaign online. The following is a second-person personals ad. Read up, and pass it along if you dare - but I warn you, this little cookie will be snatched out of the jar in no time!
---
DWF, 30(-something), ISO SWM, preferably with job and without a rap sheet. [Warning - she's got connections who can check up on both!]

Let me tell you a little bit more about this sweetheart. First of all, she's just that - totally sweet, without a mean bone in her body. In her yard, maybe, but not in her.

She's completely honest, and would never steal, especially from a friend.

She's not just honest, but completely open as well. You can count on her not hiding what's on her mind.

She's a good provider and will do what it takes to bring home the bacon. Or the bison.

She's always very friendly,

always has a kind word for her friends,

is polite in good company,

has the dress and manners of a princess when she goes out,

and knows how to keep it under control at a formal party, even when the liquor is plentiful.

Guys, you need to know that not just anyone can get in on this scene. She won't suffer spending time with a loser. Or a looser.

But you don't need to sell your soul to get a date either.

An equitable lease-to-own plan is offered, with a perfectly reasonable schedule of fees and penalties and interest and debits and escrow and some other fine print.

Sorry ladies, we're only addressing this ad to the guys. For now.

So, gentlemen, send your details, and placement fee, to this address. Don't delay, because you simply cannot expect this gem to be available for much longer.